“Is that what you really want to do?”
My friend had just been offered a full-time position doing what she had been doing for years part-time. She had a great thing going: working from home while her children have been small, and keeping her salary. And now they were practically begging her to come back to work with a bigger workload and full days in the office.
She was looking at the debt load that they had been chipping away at. She was dreaming about a home instead of the small condo they were crammed into. She was seeing financial freedom in her future and it was appealing. But I sensed that there was also doubt and perhaps something else going on beneath the surface. So I asked the question that only the mouthy friend gets to ask: “is that what you really want to do?”
She knows that I’m the friend that gets it— financial freedom is the dream. I understand the pain of digging out from under debt and the goal being to never go back. But I also know the reality of working to just work, and feeling like your soul is slowly dying every day that you punch the clock. I know what it’s like to feel like the dreams and passions inside are about to explode unless you take the chance and give it space to do its thing.
So I pressed. She casually blew me off with “it’s the smart thing to do” and “it’s a great opportunity.” I decided to leave it alone and figured I would circle back another time. The next day we saw each other again (a rarity) and she casually said, “so I’ve been thinking about your question.” I smiled.
We talked about the benefits of taking the job. We talked about the realities of my situation since I quit my day job. We shared fears and whispered the passions and purposes that make our hearts come alive. It was good. It was what you can do with a close friend.
But maybe you don’t have that close friend who can throw you the look of death when you need it. Like when you are talking about taking on more work that leaves you drained. Or when you feel like you need to step back from the volunteering you’re doing at church because you just had a new baby, but aren’t sure how to do that (hint: you just say “I can’t right now”). Maybe you’re super passionate about something creative and you need someone to come alongside you and say, “go for it” or perhaps you need to accept that the season you are in (little kids hanging off every limb) has some restrictions, but it is a season.
And I understand that too. I wrote recently about why deep friendships are hard for me, and I was amazed at the responses I received. People’s words were encouraging, but the information left me sad. Grieved to know that so few feel like they have people who know them in a deep and authentic way. It’s heart-breaking that we go through life without the support we need for the common things like parenting, never mind the life-altering situations like illness and death.
And so, I’m here. As the mouthy friend who is cocking one eyebrow and asking, “is that what you really want to do?” Read with sarcastic undertones and you’ll get it. Is what you’re sacrificing for really worth it? The job, the hobby, the service that you give, the people you spend your time with, the status you are trying to keep up with, the pressure that you are living under? Is that what you really want?
If so, let me encourage you to keep on going. On the days when you want to quit, when it seems that no one pays attention to your energy and efforts, when you are banging your head against the wall because you are tired and worn out, but you know what you’re doing is what you’re supposed to be doing— keep going. Dig deep. Breathe in and out 3 times and say a prayer. And get back up and get in the game.
And if you are reading this and recognize that what you’re doing isn’t what you really want, can I just be that mouthy friend one more time and say, “wake up!” Life is too short for you to waste your days doing something that isn’t moving you toward your goals, toward that greater purpose that we were all born with, in pursuit of what makes your heart come alive. The time is now; do not waste anymore time doing something else.